I’m limping proof of the axiom: “stupidity should be painful.”
Last week I started to take my trash containers down to the street. Seated on my ATV, I reached over to pick up the plastic yard trash container with my left hand. Whereupon, forgetting that I have serious left side weakness, I fell off my Kawasaki quad, which promptly returned the love and excellent care I provide it by running me over in low gear.
Lying on the ground I distinctly remember thinking “Uh Oh, this is going to hurt” as the quad’s rear wheel chugged up my left leg, starting at my foot. It hen motored over my left ankle, continuing past my knee and finally coming off my body after it ran over my groin.
At 6 am in the morning no one was awake here at Rancho Bizarro to hear my plaintive bleating “Help, help!”
So I crawled slug-like over to my quad, pulled myself up, used my right leg to mount the quad, sidesaddle and complete my morning chores.
I drove my murderous ATV up on my porch and hobbled through the door to my home office.
I thought “hell, I have pretty good motion in my ankle and knee so nothing’s broken, I’ll just man up and deal with the pain of two strained joints. Besides. I have some Vicodin left from my last injury,”
By last Thursday the pain in my watermelon-sized left foot convinced me to go see my Doc.
My self-diagnosis was wrong; a slender bone on the top of my foot had a hairline crack.
And guess what? There’s not much they can do for such stupidity induced injuries, so a nurse showed me how to use a compression wrapper to girth my foot and told me to put an ice pack on it several times a day.
Oh they also refilled my seriously depleted bottle of Vicodin.
So for the last several days I’ve spent my days watching bad comedies, sniveling, and hobbling around my house with a cane.
The one upside to all this was the bad color combinations on the tie-dyed t-shirts I made yesterday and the fact that a high wheel; Caterpillar DH-5 was mysteriously left on a nearby vacant lot two days ago.
Damn the warning on the side of the bottle ”Do not operate heavy machinery while taking this drug!”
Well duh.
Like I said stupidity should be painful.—Jim Forbes 06/28/2009
LOL, you is funny!
but not as funny as you are, my friend. thanks for reading and commentging oh wise one-time author of jingles for national condom week. jmf
Posted by: steveballmer | July 05, 2009 at 04:36 PM